I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
