we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
