i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
