it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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