I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
