I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
