Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
