I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
