There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I skipped work to stalk him.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
