your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
