I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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