He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
