it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
