i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Randomize
