have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
