Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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