so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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