you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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