Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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