Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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