went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
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