Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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