why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it was like eating out sand paper
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize