i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize