Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
