i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
