from now on my penis is your penis
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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