The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
