Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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