i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
