I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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