you guys were way drunker than both of me
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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