Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
