I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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