3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
