At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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