also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
