I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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