Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize