She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
