You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
