Pappa wants mamma naked
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize