After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
sex in a hospital.. check
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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