No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
