I'm going to jail i love you
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
