Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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