Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
