i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
