I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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