I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
