I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Congratulations! We have a period
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