My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
