Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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