So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
