I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize