Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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