It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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