What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
