i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
