i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
