I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
