I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
