i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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