is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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