i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
