He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
