I'm drive I can fine osifer
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
