I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Houston, we have a squirter
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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