Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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