I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
