All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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